Fear

I admit I have a fear of Druidry. Not the concept but the execution and details of it.

There is so much to learn!  That’s a large part of my fear. It’s daunting. The lore. The pantheon. All seven months into this path still largely unknown to me. Granted I know more now than I did when I started this path. But there’s so much more!  I’m developing a phobia of it all. Fear based of course!

Then there’s the whole trance work element. I’m an experienced trance worker. I’ve been doing it the last six years as a Vitki. But this Druid trance stuff is somehow different. First of all there’s only three realms not nine as in Asatru. And I have a good working map of those nine realms. This only three thing scares me somehow. So I get confronted by the fear and just do nothing. Not the best reaction granted. But that’s been my experience so far.

I realize these are irrational fears. Being irrational doesn’t make it less real!  I know I can read the books. I know I can do trance to make a map of the three realms. I know all this. But I remain paralyzed.

I suppose this fear could be masking excitement. I admit to having excitement about this path. I was even started down this path by an unconventional manner. That excites me. And what I’ve learned so far about Druidry excites me. So there’s that option. Somebody once said fear is just a mask for other strong emotions.

Maybe this is just newbie growing pains. Maybe it’s just that I’m impatient. Which I am on both accounts.

I need to just let things unfold at their own pace.  I need to stop holding myself up to some impossible ideal of my own creation  I need to relax into it.  Not force it.

Or maybe I just need to get over myself and tackle the work at hand. I don’t know!  Ugh!

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